I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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