I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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