you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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