Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
