Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
