dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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