Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
