everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
