with your own penis?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am naked and annoyed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
