I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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