i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
