So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
