Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
