Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
