Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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