She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
