clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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