that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
