and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
