I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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