Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize