he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
