He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
