dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
