he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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