Who did Billy Mays play for?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
