She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
