burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
