What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
