It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
