John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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