I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
