He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
