The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
