Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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