your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
