There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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