great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
