you would pick up someone in the library
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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