you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
