Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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