THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
