i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
