someone threw a dead crab at me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
