she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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