i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
