Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
