you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
