threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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