Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
