Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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