Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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