It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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