Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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