Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
