don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
