You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
