if i can run in heels then i can drive
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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