i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
