So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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