Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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