Got a toothbrush?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
