i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
