heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
