My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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