come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
