Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
