My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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