If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
