Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
