I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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