My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
